Change is everywhere these days.
Moving furniture..moving house. Changing out the old with the new. Alternating feelings of pressure, pain, freedom and release.
I hate being vague, but right now, it’s my cover.
I have a headache today. The kind of headache that used to be reserved for the morning after long nights out, but now they just happen. I think I may have looked at a bottle for too long last night. That’s enough.
Music and inspiration have been difficult to come by. Beyond not having much time, I also just plain haven’t had much spirit for it. I haven’t had time to *listen* to music, which in turn drains the well of creation. Its difficult going through such dry times, but I know somehow that this is only temporary. The muse will return.
My life cycles on the 11s it seems. My career started at 21, my marriage at 31 and this..new stage at 41 (If anything changed at 1 and 11 I am hard pressed to say what it was). Some things have me very excited to be alive while others have me dreading every morning I have to wake. I see the future and am envious of my son and the wonders he will see. Then I watch the news and I am fearful of the horrors.
I wish I actually knew how to write a blog post. I wish I knew how to organize my thoughts in effective sentences and paragraphs instead of this persistent stream of consicousness gibberish. I wish I had the time.
I wish I had a topic.
I need more coffee.
So where have I been? I promise a blog a day and then I disappear. Typical…
Well, I've been pretty sick, actually. I had a wonderful experience with an immediate care doctor who was certain I had something that could kill you and sent me to the ER. It all went down hill from there to eventually be found days later to be a 'non-specific viral infection' (so they don't even have a clue what it was). In any case, its over.
Its odd to say it, but I think I really *needed* that illness. I get the feeling that a big part of why I got sick was because I have been pushing myself too far. Too much work, family and general life stress mixed with definitely not enough sleep and heathy physical activity is sooner or later going to bring on a crash in someone who isn't 25 anymore (not by a long shot). I was doing too much and giving too much of myself without stopping to think about how much I had left in the tank. Last week was the crash.
So now it's a new week, and the most important part of any experience is what we learn from it. Ive taken a few lessons:
- I have to limit myself and take more time for activities that rejuvinate and replenish me.
- I have to better focus on who and what I give my time to. My priorities need some shifting
- I need to take care better care of my health and get more sleep in general. I just have to.
It's easy to state these things but not always so easy to follow through with them. Feeling like I have no choice in the matter helps….If I don't, next time I may not get well as quickly. I'm also sure I can count on some others to help hold me accountable to my statements.
Returning to the land of the living after what was an awful illness. Hopefully a blog tomorrow.
The problem, it seems…is screens.
Screens are everywhere…on my synth, on my desk at work, on my DAW, on my phone….I am sick of screens. I’ve spent my life staring at them and I don’t want to stare at them anymore.
This presents a problem – How does one create music in the modern era without being absolutely bombarded by gigantic screens full of more information than I want? How does one make music without mouse within a 50ft radias?
I hate screens. Screens are evil. They get in my way and make my music harder to make. I want the screens to be gone.
How do I get rid of them?
My mind is not here today. Its on an uncertain future and a past locked in concrete.
It is on my lack of sleep and my productivity. It's on the intensity of my emotions. It is looking inward, trying to find the path out.
It wants to be creating music. It needs the sounds tonight.
I've sort of committed myself to posting to my blog every day. Unfortunately, I don't always have anything new and interesting to say…which could make it difficult.
I *DO* however have a lot of old media that had been posted to my other blog that is still out there on YouTube, SoundCloud, BandCamp, etc. that I can repost with some commentary. Hurray for recycled content!
So let's get started, shall we?
This was done for one of my broadcasts in 2013. I keep meaning to start them up again, but just don't seem to find the time..